I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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