Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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