he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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