I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
