Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
