i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
