Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I enjoy the company of your penis
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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