It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
