do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
