Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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