I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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