I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
40s are totally the cure
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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