the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
