I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
