Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
