Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Ladies don't puke and tell
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
