I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
