I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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