i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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