Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
