areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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