oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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