the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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