My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
