he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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