I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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