Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
