he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The air was thick with penises
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
