They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
