Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize