I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
