Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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