Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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