I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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