can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
