People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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