In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
