theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
