Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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