I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
