Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
