i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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