I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
