the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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