she woke up with a sticky ear
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
