Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
