Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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