i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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