I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
