You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Randomize
