I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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