He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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