I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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