They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize