Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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