i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
