i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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