Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
