It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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