he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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