actually, I'm a sock model
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
