he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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