can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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